Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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