but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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