Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
