I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
