i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
