Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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