I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The struggles of a small town man whore
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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