You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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