I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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