Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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