I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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