He told me they were just razor bumps!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
