Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
