bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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