so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
