God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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