i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
