god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
