I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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