is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
