I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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