I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
