She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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