she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
