I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
