Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
