Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Four minutes until I can fart!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
