our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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