im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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