I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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