So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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