I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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