im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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