Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
