Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
