You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
