Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
