the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
