I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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