I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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