Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
