I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
