you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
