Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
