I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
