I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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