Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
