Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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