I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
