I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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